Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
