oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
