So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
