what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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