You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
