I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
the liver wants what the liver wants
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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