Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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