Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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