I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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