I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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