Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
not ubering you a puppy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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