Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
