Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just blew my weed a kiss
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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