you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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