3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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