His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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