just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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