She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
