Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
