i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
