do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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