Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry my hands just texted you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
