I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We're too hungover to prance.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
