what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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