I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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