Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
