need another drink. this is the easiest way
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
