i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
