I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
