I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
