I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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