My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
