im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
