we have pet lesbian snakes
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
