Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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