the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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