no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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