I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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