i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
