i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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