At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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