I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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