I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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