..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
