cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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