So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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