I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
