Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
