How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
