"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
