I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
