So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
