The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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