plz talk dirty to me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
