sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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