Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
