So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
