maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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