so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
