doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
