Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
