I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
