just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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