she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
