I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
