im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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