apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
