So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
