i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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