I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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