I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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