He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
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i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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