I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
